Reflections: Day 2 – Resolved

Have I ever promised myself New Year resolutions that I have kept? The answer is, as usual, no. I never bothered with the notion of the new year. But I have made so many plans and promises that I have not completed, or at least I should say, most of them are never completed. Almost all of them are in a half-completed state, and I lost interest in them.

Well, at least now I have started writing every day and really, really want to do this without fail.

But this post is not about what I am about to do. Rather, this is about the resolved things of the past. These writings are my thoughts, so I don’t need to be considerate about the decisions I made or what others might think about them.

I never made any resolutions about health or body fit. At least last year I walked in the morning with my friend, but it only happened a few times. Being too lazy, I guess, I stopped. But considering my health, I stopped using oil and, whenever needed, started to use olive oil. Stopped eating short eats and snacks. So I guess that’s some improvement over the past few years.

Anyhow, to the next matter, I always wanted to learn some musical instruments. I always adore the classical Western piano and violin. Oh, those strings can bring out the feelings deep within. It is either Bach, Vivaldi, or Chopin; I adore the masters’ art of true passion. My desire to learn piano or violin has still not come to fruition. But I hope this year I could do something about it.

The only thing I could not do anything about is the underlying feeling of loneliness. It is not jealousy, but when you see someone older than you has a mom and dad and a family with sisters, that brings a lot of sadness. But I think I have learned to conceal it from others. I never liked brothers; perhaps it is due to the toxic relationship I had with mine. But again, I am glad that it is over. But deep within, the desire to be with a family burns. I must meditate on that more.

On meditation, I shall do it more often. What is a mind is the question that I ask. What is a flower? How long is a flower? Nature inspires me to think more about the surroundings. I have a weird habit of talking to the air, talking to the animals and plants. Sometimes they nod, sometimes they agree, and sometimes not so much.

Sometimes I feel like I have failed my master. The purpose of mine could not be fulfilled because of my overflowing self-centered ego. Sometimes I wish there is a do-over. But then it ain’t the end until it is the end. So perhaps, I still have some more stories to tell, some more stories to witness. Let the wind be the guardian. Let the land be the witness.

I loved this quote from Kung Fu Panda. I will write about it in the coming days.

“Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make who you are. It is the rest of your story, who you choose to be.”